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it gets to a point
Tuesday, 17 June 2025 | June 17, 2025 | 0 comments
on d
ive been watching ginny n georgia, been reading old blog posts and notes on my phone. it goes way back but i was always so aware of this dark pit in my stomach, this void and hollow darkness in the back of my mind. i hate marcus because deep down i know thats who i become if i let these thoughts win. i see myself in him, i see the worst potential that could become if i let it. letting it, or not letting it, i cant ever claim that i would never let myself become him, because i probably have, maybe almost did, and i can never be too confident because i am just a weak servant who is always in need of God. it was never a linear line but they come and go as they please — these feelings—and i have still yet to cure myself. cure is simple, the antidote is right there. but its not permanent. ive “cured” myself at times. sometimes i invalidate my own feelings because i think everyone feels this way, but i guess not? (i am still unsure, i really wholeheartedly used to believe everybody felt this). is it true what they say, that its hereditary? embedded in the genes, is it true, that i feel this because my iman is low ? (quite possibly). do any of my siblings or parents get these thoughts too? why i believe / used to believe everyone feels the same? — is quite because of the nature of our soul. it longs for the Creator, and its been placed in a foreign world, a different reality than where it came from. we were never from this place, and the materialisation of this physical self came with a permanent void in our hearts. i wholeheartedly believe (d?) this. and so thats why, these thought cant ever go away for good. and thats why, i will always be subjected to the gravity of this blackhole, floating in emptiness, waiting to be sucked in at any time. any time i forget. any time i lose sight of the Creator
stability thru action - the stop spinning plan
call me out, yes, i romanticise (i hate to admit this) my dark thoughts, i write them down, i know i should fight them, i write about fighting them. do i fight them?…maybe? i write so i dont fall into this so called void but i still keep it close, like a familiar companion ive made part of my self identity. i mean, come on. reflection can only do so much. it gets to a point. reflection is maybe a step closer to movement, but it is NOT movement. and that’s why, with it should come actions and i m now making a plan for it. im calling it the stop spinning plan.
act instead of spiral 🌀
- praying on time
- daily quran - minimum of 1 to 2 pages daily
- weekly act of service - message a friend/ cook or bring food to friends/ call family. do one thing for someone else.
- physical movement at least 3x a week. i used to have a perfectionist mindset. i should only do pilates every day bc if i skip one day then i lose all motivation, and dont do it at all for the rest of the week.
- limit mental spiraling time. writing is fine. but, be aware of how much time i could waste overthinking in the disguise of reflection
it gets to a point
Tuesday, 17 June 2025 | June 17, 2025 | 0comments
on d
ive been watching ginny n georgia, been reading old blog posts and notes on my phone. it goes way back but i was always so aware of this dark pit in my stomach, this void and hollow darkness in the back of my mind. i hate marcus because deep down i know thats who i become if i let these thoughts win. i see myself in him, i see the worst potential that could become if i let it. letting it, or not letting it, i cant ever claim that i would never let myself become him, because i probably have, maybe almost did, and i can never be too confident because i am just a weak servant who is always in need of God. it was never a linear line but they come and go as they please — these feelings—and i have still yet to cure myself. cure is simple, the antidote is right there. but its not permanent. ive “cured” myself at times. sometimes i invalidate my own feelings because i think everyone feels this way, but i guess not? (i am still unsure, i really wholeheartedly used to believe everybody felt this). is it true what they say, that its hereditary? embedded in the genes, is it true, that i feel this because my iman is low ? (quite possibly). do any of my siblings or parents get these thoughts too? why i believe / used to believe everyone feels the same? — is quite because of the nature of our soul. it longs for the Creator, and its been placed in a foreign world, a different reality than where it came from. we were never from this place, and the materialisation of this physical self came with a permanent void in our hearts. i wholeheartedly believe (d?) this. and so thats why, these thought cant ever go away for good. and thats why, i will always be subjected to the gravity of this blackhole, floating in emptiness, waiting to be sucked in at any time. any time i forget. any time i lose sight of the Creator
stability thru action - the stop spinning plan
call me out, yes, i romanticise (i hate to admit this) my dark thoughts, i write them down, i know i should fight them, i write about fighting them. do i fight them?…maybe? i write so i dont fall into this so called void but i still keep it close, like a familiar companion ive made part of my self identity. i mean, come on. reflection can only do so much. it gets to a point. reflection is maybe a step closer to movement, but it is NOT movement. and that’s why, with it should come actions and i m now making a plan for it. im calling it the stop spinning plan.
act instead of spiral 🌀
- praying on time
- daily quran - minimum of 1 to 2 pages daily
- weekly act of service - message a friend/ cook or bring food to friends/ call family. do one thing for someone else.
- physical movement at least 3x a week. i used to have a perfectionist mindset. i should only do pilates every day bc if i skip one day then i lose all motivation, and dont do it at all for the rest of the week.
- limit mental spiraling time. writing is fine. but, be aware of how much time i could waste overthinking in the disguise of reflection
IT IS I,
the one behind the screen
hi there. its atiqah here. this blog was made so that i could have a safe space where i could write all my feelings and thoughts down, mostly. basically where i cope :) its pretty personal, but if you have found it, feel free to browse through.  hmm gosh what else do people put in here??? idk,, make urself at home ig??
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occae et harumb bet theap. est praesent luptatum. dignissum qui blandit est praesent luptatum delenit aigue excepteur sint occae. et harumd dereud facilis est er expedit distinct. et harumd dereud facilis est er expedit distinct. yoii rockem sockem mow-em yown. manarie li que vaqeriao.
occae et harumb bet theap. est praesent luptatum.
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