ol' lady in question is me, and whats the rush, i ought to pause for a while and ask myself the big Q,

whats the rush

as it turns out, the ending of uni life is much more daunting, scary, anxiety-inducing than what i'd anticipated

except, it is not quite the end yet for me, as i still have another semester to go, as i failed one of my core subjects and need to extend my studies for another semester which means another 6 months or so in Australia, without chik tea :c without my peers (i do have other friends, my juniors around ... but welp, it is still gonna feel a little lonely). 

humans are complicated creatures, we cant stay still, when we have too much free time we ought to get lost – some might even go crazy – somewhere in our mind we search for things to do yet our bodies remain as static as a statue because unmotivated is also what we are

i am scared for whats to come. even now, i only have one paper left (mind you; it is tomorrow) i am well prepared tho – i have studied hard and well – i shall give myself some pats on the back. its all i can afford 

but even now, i am engulfed with the overwhelming despair of not having much to do and feeling so bored i may just go cuckoo. reading thousands of pages of literature or walking thousands of steps or spending more money than i can afford to or sleeping for days or trying to not set my house on fire attempting to produce baked treats or scrolling miles and miles away on tiktok, on instagram, on twitter, or staring at the screen for hours trying to decide what to watch on Netflix or meeting up with friends or – idk, the list goes on, but they just wont cut it for me. i am still bored as hell.

well i guess scared isnt quite the right word for it, i guess i just dread it, not knowing or having anything to do, makes me question really

what is my life?

is this all there is to it, study, eat, sleep? is that it? and now that i only need to study for one paper - i freak out, i can totally feel myself losing it. 

these days i feel myself more prone to making impulsive choices to combat the boredom that is killing me, be not surprised if i suddenly decide to go back to Malaysia in a week or so

hopefully i wont have to, i hope id have something to do

i want to get a part-time job, in the unfortunate event that all my internship applications were rejected

i hope whatever befalls me, i am able to face, with patience & the mind of a true believer of God. Allah help me. to be honest, more thoughts r pouring out but i am just gonna pause here, because there should be no rush. no rush at all, take it slow and let it be.