words

ink and paper became the outlet to express myself

i want to learn express myself better

i pick up books more frequently than i do my phone now

to learn how others frequent words as a way of escape 

as a way of expressing their minds

sometimes just for the sake of getting lost in it

bc reality hurts more

and reality exhausts the mind

so i hide in these stories, proses, words and exclamations

i hide myself in their little worlds—until i myself can escape through words of my own

hiding is better than running i suppose, it is perhaps just as futile but i find it less easy

for i tend to gravitate towards the more difficult choice 

no, do not be fooled, my nature is not of the courageous

it is only because easier tasks tend to hold less meaning, and i suppose im just trying to fill my life with meanings i create on my own

bits from here and there

anywhere

anything

ill continue hiding from now on

until i find my own words, conviction and meaning to this existence

but for now let me be swept off reality, until i regain my courage, my voice and my purpose again

for i judge myself to have found it at some point but failed to keep hold

may i find it again, ill take my time, time that i dont have, 

time that is only loaned to me

but the Creator must be Most Merciful

ill ask for more time, bc this time it has to go slow, it has to

slowly but surely

slowly but permanently 

slowly but never changing, never again