Time flies. It's 2018, and I'm already turning 19 this year. The fact that I'm gonna be 20 next year still blows my mind cause I still feel like I am 14, no kidding. So yeah, I just realised that I have already spent approximately 18 years in this world and no doubt it has been one hell of a ride, especially when I am currently still in my teen years going into the *cough* adult *cough* world, which, I am so not ready for? Like how? I AM STILL 14 goddammit. So since I have just started college mid last year and you know, prepping for university and shit, life has been especially tough on me for the last few months and truth be told, I feel like I have been handling myself pretty well, i guess? I mean, so far I haven't really had serious mental breakdowns (I do have mental breakdowns sometimes but they are usually pretty random and harmless and arent that very serious) or fallen ill from collective stress or anything. Although yeah, it's been tough. I really just miss all those carefree days I had back in my kid years when nothing was ever taken seriously. I didn't care much about anything at all, and I miss that. Lol whatever the past is in the past amirite kids?

But really, I just miss it so much that I'm actually bringing the whole not caring about anything phase back in my life! There are things that I have to care about obviously like assignments and homework but there are also things I can care about if I want to, but I just choose not to. Like back in the days (which days I also don't know) I have always been sooooo timid and shy and stuff which I still am, nothing has changed. But back in my high school years, and even after I finished high school, I really TRIED and STRUGGLED to be friendly with people, you know to like start conversations and even if I didn't, little did you know that I was actually battling INTENSELY in my head whether I should start a conversation with someone. God the whole experience of me trying to socialise taught me that it was never meant for me, you know, to be this friendly kid whom everyone just admires. That shit is exhausting???? I dont know how people do it or maybe im just a true introvert hUH

So this year I made a decision to not think about it anymore, and to just do whatever i feel ike doing and if I dont feel like socialising, then I wont. And who cares what people might say about me? Yeah I do have a resting bitch face and I may look like I'm about to eat them or my smiles might not look sincere bcs do u know how hard it is to sincerely smile at people when u dont actually feel like it? UGHH anyways yeah whatever they might say, i say- just be it. I aint letting myself get stressed over a couple of people's opinions of me. bYE